So I’ve been told to write about something interesting, like Coke floats.  Ok.  Coke Floats…let’s see.  Well, I can honestly say I’ve never had one before, so there isn’t  much I can talk about from personal experience.  I can’t say one type of ice cream is better than the other or I can’t really complain about how people screw up orders by doing things wrong or just not listening to you.  But what I can do is..umm..talk about it?

Apparently it originated in Canada in the 1800s.  It’s called a spider in Australia and New Zealand.  And umm..it was the precursor to ice cream sundaes because the float was supposedly banned by some local governments.

….Ok this is boring.  I can’t have an opinion on something that I have yet to try.  I guess I’m going to have to go out and experiment with different kinds and at different places to give a real account.  Like where to go for the most authentic float?  What’s better, root beer or Coke?  Maybe something completely random could be good, like peach soda with chocolate ice cream.  Whooo knowwss???

Anyway.  I’ll leave you with this.  Scoops, an amazing ice cream place in Los Angeles, apparently as floats on their menu.  With the crazy variety of flavors they have, I think you’ll find something original every time you go.  Also, if you’re lookin to make the traditional Coke float at home, here’s a handy how to video narrated by a lovely British(?) woman. Enjoy!

To be continued..?

As a hockey fan, ever since Sarah Palin tagged herself as a ‘hockey mom’ I’ve been pretty pissed off.  The sport was immediately tagged with a negative stigma it definitely did not need.  Half the people in this country already have no idea what the sport is.  Now they associate it with her.  It’s like throwing up after eating something tasty (let’s say…pumpkin pie) and feeling nauseous every time you think about pumpkin pie.

So.  When the world’s most famous hockey mom was going to make an appearance at a Rangers/Flyers game, I was furious.  She’s already made people hate the pumpkin-filled treat, now she’s trying to take that pie and throw it in our faces (who would want to waste such good pie?).  Apparently, however, all the hockey moms, dads, and kids in Philadelphia love their delicious, round fall dessert too much.  When Gov. Palin walked onto the ice to drop the puck on a ceremonial faceoff, just about everyone at Wachovia Center started booing.  Yay! What an amazing PR move for Obama!  The down home hockey mom getting rejected by 20,000 hockey fans!  It couldn’t be more perfect.

Therefore, the bottom line is: Eat more pumpkin pie.  Or pumpkin scones. or pumpkin loaf. or pumpkin muffins.  or…okay I’ll stop

I don’t care about baseball, but Joe Maddon is awesome.

To start this off with a bit of a disclaimer, I know nothing about politics. I humor news articles/TV sometimes, especially with this whole election thing going on. I usually end up checking top digg articles, which always seems to be ‘the news that the man doesn’t want you to know’.  Every once in a while, I’ll even talk to someone about politics.  But that’s it.  I don’t know much about the current candidates, what issues they support, or what they’re against. I do know, however, that Republicans scare me.

Whew.  Quite a disclaimer.  Anyway.  Now the topic at hand.  I like the environment.  There. Done.

Okay fine.  There might be a little more to it.  I watched a bit of the RNC (how could I not see Sarah ‘Baracuda’ Palin in action for the first time?), and while a great deal has bothered me, I won’t talk about most of it solely for the fact that I can’t really back anything up (see disclaimer).  BUT.  There is one thing that pissed me off so much that, well, you’re reading about it right now..hopefully (please tell me someone is reading this).  It hit me right in the middle of Palin’s speech.

I can’t remember exactly what she was talking about, but, all of a sudden, with her voice leading them, an arena full of people started chanting “Drill Baby Drill”.  …What?  I was in shock.  I could not believe that a whole stadium, including many major important political figures, were openly chanting something that basically meant “Destroy our planet! Tear up our country! Killlll our annimaallssss!”  Being led by one of the Vice Presidential candidates, nonetheless.

Then, while watching the Convention today, I saw a short interview with a delegate from Alaska.  She had her construction vest and hardhat (it said Drill Now on it) on and basically told the reporter she wanted the US to dig in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge because we need oil.  Seriously?  Is it really worth that much to these people?  I mean, yea Alaskana are for it, cause, as The Simpsons Movie pointed out, the state gives out annual funds to its residents, basically for the ability to slowly destroy it. In fact, it seems as if the fine residents of Alaska will be getting $3,200 each this year thanks to oil invested dividends.  Woo! That’s totally worth killing plant and animal life and adding to the world’s already out-of-hand pollution problems, right?

What is the deal with all these Republicans so easily willing to destroy wildlife habitats just to drill for oil?  And before anyone tries to defend this with, well John McCain, the actual Presidential candidate, is against it, think about if he really is.  He’s clearly been distancing himself from President Bush, a guy who’s consistently been pro-drilling, so that might be why.  Yes.  Technically he’s against it, but in an interview he did bring up the fact that he would ‘be glad to review’ it.  What does that mean?  “I love the environment now, but every vote for me on November 4th will come with a free drum of oil!”

Sooo.  In response to these people’s desires to potentially destroy the wildlife refuge and displace many animal species, I have a proposal.  How bout we take some of the cities in Alaska, maybe Wasilla to start (haha..get it?), and destroy them.  Yup.  Let’s bulldoze the towns, eliminating homes and businesses and displacing all the people without giving them a place to go.  We can then clean up the debris and let nature take its course, slowly rebuilding the natural habitats of the areas.  We’ll help the people who are opposed to the drilling, but everyone else is on their own.  Oh!  Did we crush your home?  Did we leave you with nothing, freezing in the middle of nowhere?  Did we ‘accidentally’ forget to wait for everyone to leave and ‘mistakenly’ kill half your family?  Whoops!  Oh well, I mean, it’s what you want to do in the Wildlife Refuge isn’t it?  You should understand..

Two more quick things about Sarah Palin and her love of animals/the environment and her hate of oil before I finish my rant.  She doesn’t think polar bears are correctly placed on the endangered species list and doesn’t think beluga whales should be placed on the list either basically because it would hurt potential oil and gas development.  Wait..did I switch that first sentence up?  Read more here.

Thus ends my little schpeil.  I thought I could make it funnier, but I guess it just made me too mad that people who are staunchly pro-life can’t grasp the idea that life isn’t only meant for humans Americans.  Oh well.

Something..amazing I want to talk about.  I was making my normal rounds on the internet, eventually getting sucked into the black hole known as Wikipedia, when I came across the awesomeness that is Gospel Magic.  Now, I’m not a religious person, so this may be a common thing that everyone knows about, but I did go to a Catholic high school and never heard a thing about it.  Basically, what this is, is stage magic performed to help teach the word of God (Word of God?…is word capitalized? hmm).  So you have magicians. Performing tricks. Tricks that are meant to explain various ideals to the Christian community (Jewish people do not fret.  You have your own kind of magic.  That’s right.  Torah Magic).

Okay.  Let’s discuss.  First of all.  Is this not a crazy discovery?  I mean, imagine a guy in a tuxedo pulling a rabbit out of a hat and somehow tying it in to the story of The Good Samaritan.  Hell.  I would’ve totally been down for that when I was young.  All I remember from church as a kid were these creepy looking old guys in robes chanting things and frightening images of Jesus all over the place.  Not something I really wanted to go back to.  Now.  Take the church, replace the way too many crucifixes with smoke machines and cool party lighting, switch the random assistants or whatever (they might also be priests?) with attractive women willing to be cut in half while smiling, and change the priest’s wardrobe to some random 80s style bright colored that all magicians love to wear.  Who the hell wouldn’t watch a show like that??  Kids would be begging their parents to go.  If church was like that, I might still be going.

Just think.  Levitating priests? Making the Virgin Mary disappear??  The possibilities are endless!  How entertaining would weddings and funerals be?  All that random stuff spoken during the ceremonies that no one listens to replaced by some old Irish guy turning napkins into doves!  Right?!

Now there are some probably saying…”Heyyyy. Magic is all dark arts and evil things.  Religious authorities won’t support that.”  Well apparently there’s some sort of a loophole here.  It’s not cool to deceive people, but its totally fine to ‘trick’ people if you reach a pconclusion that teaches a good, wholesome religious value.

On top of how fun going to church would be, there’s a whole community behind Gospel Magic that people can tap into.  There are famous Gospel magicians (trading cards maaybbee??), Gospel Magic holidays, even a Gospel Magician’s Oath!

…Alright.  I realize this kind of ridiculous, but it’s a real thing and I think more people should know about it.  What’s that you say?  “Where can I find out more?”  I’ll tell you!  You should check out the USA Fellowship of Christian Magicians website.  Yup.  There is an actual Fellowship of Christian Magicians. Enjoy!

At the end of the day, I’ll I’m trying to say is. Who wouldn’t want to get baptized by this guy?

I bet you won’t find that phrase in its entirety on Google. Google is a useful tool to have a better sense of who has thought what in the world, as sort of a confirmation of originality. Yes, though, I think Bombay Sapphire smells like Bacon Bits.

Bacon bits are not often fondly thought of, but they were a major minor player in my meals growing up. As an avid buy-luncher, I owned the elementary school salad bar and threw anything and everything on my Styrofoam tray (much like I do now at Souplantation). About this time too, Costco set up shop in my hometown with their impossibly large portions of everything, including that endless bottle of artificial bacon once probably sampled then picked up. My mom likes serving up veggies and healthy junk, but a little crunch and salt were never a bad thing. Maybe through bacon bits, I learned not to use the spoon pour side of a bottle’s lid, no matter how gentle you think you are.

Fast forward some ten years and I have not thought about, nor eaten bacon bits probably since my velcro shoe days. My diet consists mainly of Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, and Smart Ones meals, restaurants in the city, and sandwiches. As much as I hope my mother doesn’t know, what I don’t spend on food, I probably spend on wine, beer, and spirits. I am by no means AT ALL an expert, but I can tell the difference between bad and good (or, likey and no likey). When friends say they don’t drink beer or they hate Gin or they don’t like red wine, I am usually quite confused. The disparity between countries/brands/years is huge (obvs., Grey Goose v. Prestige), and I believe there’s always somebody out there who can make something tasty.

Unlike the aforementioned friends, I like Gin. I am a faithful patron of Seagram’s, for quality, taste, and price. While shopping at Ralph’s with my friend Greg, though, he began to rave about Bombay Sapphire (to emphasize his point, it was sold out). I know B. Sapph for being extraordinarily attractive in color, packaging, and description. The bottle explaining its contents boasts ten flavors: almond, lemon peel, liquorice, juniper berries, orris root, angelica, coriander, cassia, cubeb, and grains of paradise. It sits fairly high on the gin hierarchy.

So, you can imagine my shock at actually trying the Bomb. In its purest form (shot glass), I could not believe my olfactory reaction. Google “Bombay Sapphire Smells Like Pine Tree” and you’ll get exactly what you’re looking for. I smelled the pine tree, yes. But at closer range, with deep inhalation through the nostrils, my mind shot back to being a 70 pound runt eating rectangular pizza, mini corndogs, and sloppy joes. How could this sophisticated liquor smell like a memory from suburban public school? I can only say that my mind is full mostly of my own experiences, and bacon bits are a ton closer to me than coriander or cubeb.

Ok.  Time to rant about another trivial thing.  I feel like this stuff should be going in a journal or something..but since no one actually reads this (queue for a pitty comment from anyone that might actually be reading this now), I’ll continue.

Last time I mentioned how I wished people would start blowing more bubble gum bubbles.  And I stand by that.  I’m not here to talk about that.  No.  This is about something far more important than a piece of gum.   This is about coffee, the magical plant that, when it’s seeds are dried, ground, and passed through warm water, make one hell of a beverage.  I don’t even get affected by the caffeine (though I wish I did).  It’s just a drink that I think tastes good (black…none of that cream and sugar nonsense).

Being summertime and like 3 million degrees in Southern California (woooo!…ugh), I usually make the switch to iced coffee in the mornings.  Iced. Coffee.  I’m drinking one right now actually.  Well..I ordered one.  What I’m drinking is an iced americano, which is espresso and water with ice.

Now some people might be saying “Hey!  That’s pretty much coffee on ice.  What’s the problem?”  The problem is, the two drinks taste completely different.  An iced coffee is exactly what it sounds like.  You brew coffee and you serve it on ice.  An americano = what I said above, espresso shots and ice.  Iced coffees are more tangy.  Iced americanos are more smokey. I’m not saying that either one is good or bad.  It’s just sometimes you really want that coffee and you don’t want the intense espresso.  Right?  Am I crazy?  No.

This may be extremely trivial to everyone else, but I drink too much coffee to let this slide.  So I say this to you coffee people out there.  Take a stand!  When you ask for an iced coffee, make sure that’s what you get!

*About halfway through writing this I realized it was kinda stupid, but I felt like finishing it.  If you have anything to add to this, comment and I’ll try arguing with you..it’s fun.  Also, if you have any suggestions on something cooler to talk about, let me know.  Pleaassseee.

Though I don’t think I can remember ever going to a Showbiz Pizza Place (I may have been too young), I still do think this documentary looks pretty interesting.

Info about the place: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Showbiz_Pizza_Place

Alright..so I’m going to attempt to get back into this.  Will it work?  Who knows.  But I’m definitely gonna try and make it happen.

So.  To start, I’d like to rant a little about gum, specifically blowing bubbles with one’s gum.  Now I chew a lot of gum, and usually it isn’t ‘bubble’ gum.  Most of the time it’s some random trident or orbit flavor.  Does that, however, stop me from blowing bubbles? No.  But I have been noticing less bubbles being blown around me.

What happened?  It’s like soccer here in the states.  Every kid does it, and then for some reason, it just disappears when we get older as if it never happened.  Do you people remember how hard it was to learn how to do that?  Ok..maybe it was really easy for you, I don’t really care.  The point is, what happened to this dying…tradition I guess?  Blowing bubbles with your gum is fun.  It’s cool.  It’s something to do with the gum in your mouth (cause come on…just chewing over and over gets a little boring).

Are people embarassed?  Do they think it’s too loud?  Are they afraid that once it pops, gum is going to stick to their face?  I don’t understand how something so enjoyable as a kid can just..stop.  I’m not saying no one does it, cause I’m sure there are a lot that do, but I’ve just noticed a decline in the bubble blowers out there and I feel it needs to be addressed.

So next time you’re chewin a piece of of watermelon twist trident, or whatever flavor/type you prefer, go ahead and blow a bubble or two.  You may be surprised as to how much you enjoy it.  That and you’ll be making me feel less self conscious every time I’m out in public doing it.  So thanks!

If you need help learning how: http://www.wikihow.com/Blow-a-Bubble-With-Bubblegum

In the very near future, I will break out of this laziness, and will work on this.